I love me. I hate me.

 I like me.  I like most parts about my personality.  I like the silly, quirky side of me that only those close to me get to see.  I like that I like people but also enjoy being alone.  I like that I like to laugh and do it often.  I like that I'm a planner but can go with the flow.  I like that I'm a mostly easy going and content person.  I like that I'm a peacemaker.  I like that I put my very best into most things that I do. (Although I admit that being a perfectionist has its major downfalls also.)   I like that I can have meaningful conversations with people that go below the surface.  I like that I value loyalty and honesty a great deal.  I enjoy my own company and could certainly entertain myself for hours. 

But I really dislike me.  My sinful nature.  The things I have to deal with over and over again and never seem to overcome.  It's ugly. It makes me think of the verse in Romans 7, "For I do not understand my own actions.  For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."  What a fickle, weak, wretched person that I am!

Today I was reading in "God- Discover His Character" about the holiness of God.  The more I know God and grow in relationship with God, the more my sin is exposed.  His holiness is the standard and I fall extremely short.  

There seems to be something that happens in your thirties, where the rose-colored glasses come off.  Where the reality of the nastiness of all humankind is revealed to you.  No one escapes it.  It's sin.  It's obvious in every person that you know, including yourself.  At least this has been my experience. 

While all of this may sound super depressing, it's not!  Romans 8 begins by saying, "There is therefore now NO condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus."  Hallelujah!  Grace. Grace. Grace.  Realizing my sin makes me acutely aware of my need for God, and that is a great place to be because He is there! On top of that, when I realize how much God loves me even with all of this nastiness inside of me, that makes me love Him even more.  He longs for me, loves me, and cares about me.  I can love me, because He loves me!

Heaven is gonna be great.  And one of the greatest things may be no. more. sin.  #allthepraisehands