Loneliness

It's very quiet in my apartment right now. (Aside from the dog barking in the apartment below me. 😉) My kiddos are hanging out with their dad today.  I had a morning grocery trip to Walmart.  This Coronavirus pandemic has certainly been something interesting to observe.  I do not make light of those with real concerns for people they love surrounding this virus.  But I will admit that I was giggling aloud walking through the Walmart aisles because meme after meme that I had seen on Facebook kept popping up in my head.  Laughter almost always makes things better.  Crazy as it sounds, I often enjoy my own company.  I crack up at the slightest of things.  I truly enjoy some alone time.

But this loneliness.  It's physical.  I can feel the weight of it in my chest and gut. It's an awful, awful feeling.  I never used to understand loneliness.  Being a person who enjoys some alone time, I never really "got it", but now I'm VERY familiar with the feeling.

I have the most wonderful people in my life.  God has blessed me with 3 amazing kiddos.  I have a wonderful family.  I have the very best of friends.  I mean that!  I would say one of the areas that God has blessed me the most in is friendships!  I could do a whole post on that alone.  But it's not the same.  It's not the same as having that one special person in your life with whom you share everything.  The laughs, the joys, the lessons, the victories, the discoveries, the hardships...all the details.  That person that you walk with through life.  Your helpmate.  Your teammate.  Your love.  Your very best friend.  I really do believe that God will give me that person in my life at some point, but for this moment I know I'm supposed to sit right here.  God has things for me to do and learn in the right here and right now.

It's okay to feel lonely.  It's okay to admit that you're lonely.  That doesn't mean that God isn't enough.  He is.  I run to Him time and time again! He's always there.  He's so so good.  But this loneliness comes from His very design.  He designed me to desire someone.  Read Genesis 2, "Then the Lord God said, It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him."  Most of us long for a spouse.  That lifetime partner.  That's God's design!  It's okay to feel lonely.  I just know where to turn in those painful moments.  And He is truly a comforter to me.