Where's the reset button?

 Do you all ever need a reset?  A fresh start button?  I sure do.  I love a new year.  I cannot help the optimism that wells up inside of me at the start of each new year.  Because I need fresh starts!  My weak flesh and wandering heart needs resets.  

At the end of 2020, I joked about NO ONE claiming that "This next year is GONNA BE MY YEAR!"  We are all tired and weary and worn from the dumpster fire that made up this past year.  I'm right there with you!  I believe that I can say with almost 100% certainty that I cried more in this last year than I have any other year of my life.  And there is a chance that I cried more this past year than every other year of my life combined!  I used to be able to say that I'm not really a "crier", but I don't even think that I can say that anymore.  

I can't say that the worldwide pandemic of Covid-19 was the cause of most of my crying.  I'm sure it has affected me; it has affected all of us.  Some have suffered extreme loss from this pandemic, and for that I'm very, very sorry.  For me... heartbreak, loss, what seems to be never-ending circumstances, uncertainties, scary situations, exhaustion...these are a few of the sources of my tears.  Have you ever felt so lonely that you could physically feel it in your body?  I have.  And my heart hurts for the many others who have as well.  Especially this year.  

So we're at a new year...Covid is still here....now what?

I have 2 confessions.  My gratitude attitude has been on the back burner more often than not this year.  I have far more often thought on the things that should be, could be, would be rather than the beautiful things that are.  Hear me:  Human emotions are OKAY.  God made us.  Jesus became human.  He experienced humanity, and He is not scared of our humanity.  Being lonely is okay.  Feeling grief is okay.  Being exhausted is okay.  It is not okay to sit and dwell on these things over and over.  I recently read that Harvard did a study that concluded that the most effective way to limit stress and maximize happiness is to have a habit of gratitude.  That's huge!  Sign me up for less stress and more happiness!  The key is gratitude.  Something that has gotten away from me a bit this year, but has now been brought to my attention.  Thank You, Lord.

Another confession....oh man, I wonder how many times I will have to confess this.  I have so often tried to lean on my own understanding!  I am an analyzer and an over-thinker, and I try to figure everything out!  You might ask, why is that a problem?  I'll tell you, friend.  When I'm trying to figure everything out, it means that I'm not trusting the Lord!  He does not want me to have the whole picture.  He wants me to come to Him every day, and there He will show me the next right thing to do.  I tell you, I'm tired of trying to figure everything out!  And that's probably exactly where Jesus wants me to be.  

So that brings me to the word that keeps coming into my mind and heart for this new year.  LIVE.  Live.  We only have the promise of today.  I can't change the past.  I can't figure out the future.  I have today.  Only I can live this life that I've been given.  And my presence does matter.  Just me.  My presence alone.  I don't have to have a partner or a teammate.  I matter.  All by myself.  (And so do you.)  I have a life to live and embrace.  And I'm going to strive to do just that. 

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have LIFE and have it abundantly."  John 10:10