I Talk to Myself

 

I just wanted to write this as a reminder to myself with the hopes that it could possibly encourage or challenge someone else.  Overall, I am in a good place in life...spiritually, mentally, physically, emotionally.  I'm not going to deny for one second that life is hard.  I think this is a universally known fact. Haha.  But things are going well.  

Yesterday, I woke up in a great mood ready for the day.  Had a great morning.  However as the day went on, some very small insecurities popped up for various reasons.  They did not remain small in my head.  One thought led to another thought which led to another thought, and before you know it I felt terrible!  I’m being very vulnerable here… by the time late afternoon arrived, I felt like a failure, not really good at anything, pulled in so many directions, with no purpose, no goals.  I felt like I was all alone in this world with no landing place.  No person who was my home. 

 

I was downstairs getting ready for a photo shoot.  I verbally expressed aloud, “I feel awful.  What is the deal?  I’ve been doing so well.  Where is this coming from?”  Then I wondered... is this an attack from the enemy?  I made myself stop and acknowledge some of the thoughts and feelings I was having.  Then the Holy Spirit, as He so wonderfully and beautifully does, reminded me of a sermon our pastor preached a couple of weeks ago from Psalms.  I was reminded of this quote by Martin Lloyd-Jones:  “Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself?”  David did this in Psalm 42.  He is expressing all the feels, but then he stops himself and says, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.”

 

So right then and there, I told the enemy (and by the way, he IS seeking to destroy you) and I told myself aloud….Umm, excuse me.  I am of great value to God.  He has a place for me in the body that He has specifically designed me to fulfill.  He has ALWAYS provided for my needs and not forsaken me once.  He will continue to do so in the future.  I am NOT alone.  He is with me.  Jesus IS my landing place.  He is the only one that can truly fulfill me.

 

I spoke truth after truth that deflated those lies I had been feeling that day.  I kid you not, the load was lifted! I mean it was immediate!  This is the power of God. 

 

Is this a one time fix all?  Absolutely not.  But this is a victory.  A victory that I want to remember.  All glory to God. 

We are in a constant battle here, friends.  It’s not easy to capture your thoughts.  It takes work.  (Ugh. Lol)  But I’m going to try.  God will help me.

 

Phillippians 4:8 "Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever things are true….think about these things."