2022 My Most Cherished Memory

I needed a little alone time today. I hadn't put much thought into it; I just knew I wanted to reflect on the year a bit and think about the new year ahead. I took out my little Question and Answer a day journal. I turned to December 31, and the question read, "What is your most cherished memory of the year?" Of course, I immediately thought about this being the year that Daniel died. Then it hit me like a ton of bricks. (Grief does that.) This year...2022..is the last year I will see my brother. The pain of that grief hit so hard. That thought had not crossed my mind until now.

 I ugly cried. 

Then I immediately knew the answer to the question in my book. My most cherished memory of 2022 is the last time I saw my brother. I didn't know it would be the last. It was July 1st, the day after my birthday. Daniel and the guys at the Hope Center had made a birthday card for me with notebook paper: making pictures, writing messages, and signing their names. A room full of recovering (many Christ-filled) addicts boisterously sang Happy Birthday to me while I stood in the front of the room. I don't think I've ever loved the birthday song more.

 Daniel's counselor spoke of how God had saved his life. I remember Daniel's excitement and him saying, "Amen!" We sang some songs. He seemed happy and mostly okay, and this made my heart so happy as well. There was a beautiful sunset that evening, and he gave me a long, good hug goodbye. It was a lovely night. My most cherished memory of 2022. 

After writing about this in my journal, I cried a little longer. I texted my dear friend, Shayna, and shared with her a little bit about some of the things that were hitting me today. Minutes later, she said, "I think this timing is from the Lord. There is a package that just arrived at the door, and it's for you from me." I opened it, and it was one of the most beautiful gifts I've ever received. It was a frame with the words that Daniel had written on that handmade birthday card from this year, but it was in his actual handwriting. I bawled again. First, the gift was so incredibly beautiful and meaningful from one of my dearest friends who is also well acquainted with grief. But second, the timing was incredible. I had literally just wrote in my journal about this EXACT memory, and then this gift shows up at the door!! It came right when my little heart needed it most. The words say, "I love you Big Sis. -Little Bro Daniel". 

It's really a message from God:

I see you. 

I'm in the details of your life. 

I'm THAT big.

I have Daniel.

Daniel loved you.

I love you most of all. 

It's going to be okay.

I'm not going anywhere.

Daniel, I really don't think you can read this. But there's a lot we just don't know. I would love for you to know that you're my most cherished memory of 2022. Love always, Big Sis

My last photos with Daniel

Birthday card from Daniel and the guys